We're all better than we think we are, dont let someone elses insecurities bring out your own, know that youre beautiful and that you deserve everything. Or at least fake it till you make it

(forgive the grammar errors, i dont have the patience to care)

I feel like a dying artist, somber melodies playing in a silent room barely touched by the fading light from the sun. Work desk cluttered with a mixture of memorabilia and assorted candy trapped in orange bottles with white caps, giving you not a sugar rush but a relief from days of pain. Waves of uneasy chills roll up and down my body without stopping forcing me to wear gloves, old sweatshirts and baggy sweatpants. The house is an empty one family is gone doing what they do best, entertaining everybody but themselves. Do not misunderstand my meaning, there is no grip of melancholy feelings here, just observations. I will not let this slow me down, infection breaksdown the body, not the soul. i promise you this, an illustration i will have by the end of this day, one that will bring tears of love not of sorrow.

I keep people at a distance so that they cant hurt me but you've snuck in. Youre here and as much as i want to keep you out with everyone else, i just cant, i hate this feeling. I cant sleep without thinking of you, think of anything else but you or talk to people wishing that it was you. Goddammit, i feel like a 13 year old girl with a highschool crush. I told myself constantly im not a relationship person, i dont need anybody and the only thing i need in my life is my work but all that means nothing now, all i can think about is you. UGH FML. I wish i didnt feel this way but im so happy that i do.

the things that have been making me angry have been completely my fault

(Karl Lagerfeld)

I've been thinking for the past couple of months that i want to be the next Karl Lagerfeld, genius in the subjects of fashion design (Chanel), photography and art all together. He i sloved by everyone and there is not one person in the world who wouldnt agree that he is the master at what he does. His only love in life is his work which makes him single and if that were my fate i would take it because i love those three fields that much.

However. I just finished watching Nick and Norah's infinite playlist.

Ridiculous huh? But just hear me out. I know i've always been a firm believer in love and a hopeless romantic. These past two months i think i know why i havent found any person who interests me, its because i closed my heart to people and opened it to art, music, fashion and such. I dont want to go too far into it, but i do know that Im young right now and i will not always be young. So, Karl my friend, you can wait for now because right now love is tugging at me and i think it would be wise to follow it.

We're young. Why are we going to deny our hearts love? For what? Partying? Sex? If you had the opportunity to fall in love, wouldnt you take it? Just remember, the only person stopping you from finding love is you. Open your hearts and you will find exactly what you want.

(POTD; we've been together so long i was still fat, krysta still had short hair and kai still shaved her legs)

Today was such a blur, it was supposed to be another day making fun of each other and just making jokes about nothing. Instead our day consisted of blood, cuts, bruises, broken glass, a totaled car and three best friends sitting on the side of the freeway in silence.

I dont really want to talk about the accident, i just want to say that someone has his or hand on us because we couldve gotten hit by so many cars after we spun and hit the divider, we could be dead, so many things couldve happened, but they didnt.

This was actually kind of a wake up call for me, now i know why i call my best friends my best friends. Kai and Krysta made it impossible for me to freak out after the accident because after all the damage physical and emotional, the only thing we could think of is kais phone chilling on the floor in the freeway and boba sticking to krystas hair. Joe and Erwin, you know i wouldnt want anybody but you two there, you guys really take care of me. Just remember what you have everyone because what we want is usually what we already have, we just cant see it.

25

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

1. I lost 70 pounds in one year.

2. I go through a pack of cigarettes every other day.

3. I party all the time but dont drink, weird right?

4. I was almost killed in my sleep 2 years ago by gang members, my sister saved my life.

5. I am 1/4 spanish, not mexican.

6. My brother and sisters who are 4 or 5 years older than me go to me for advice.

7. I couldnt get my license because i had a warrant for my arrest, i probably still have it.

8. I dont lie, trust me, i dont lie.

9. I've had 3 piercings, too bad i took them all out.

10. I smile in the car when my friends arent looking because i really enjoy being with them doing nothing.

11. I got employee of the month at Pinkberry my first month working there, then i quit.

12. I still hug my mom, kiss her on the cheek and say "i love you mommy" and she responds with, "shut up" but i know thats how she says "i love you too"

13. Everybody goes to me with their problems, they might think it pisses me off but i enjoy helping people realize things.

14. Im never my real self around anyone except my family.

15. I talk to my dog like shes a real person, i tuck her into bed, ask her to kiss me (and she does it), and tell her i love her.

16. Sometimes i hold a pillow and pretend its a person before i sleep.

17. I used to be one of the best YUGIOH players in the valley, i came second in a tournament.

18. I've tried playing video games, i get bored after 10 minutes but i can be on myspace for hours.

19. I only eat with chopsticks now.

20. Honestly, i have so many friends that come and go but Kai and Joe will always be by my side even when we move away from each other. GAY MOMENT OVER.

21. When i was younger i used to take sand from my sandbox home, i kept it in my shoes, my mom asked my why i did that and i said, "i want a sandbox in our house"

22. My friends dont know how much they mean to me.

23. I've been stabbed in the back by a friend, LITERALLY, RENE STABBED ME IN 5th GRADE DURING SATs!

24. Sometimes I imagine what im going to write in my autobiography.

25. Currently im writing in a journal, im writing my thoughts of love, life and everything in between. When i finish it im going to leave it on a train and its going to say on the cover, "read me then pass me on" im not even lying.